Twin Flame Diaries #3: New Explorations - In the Middle Of It.

In my “Twin Flame Diaries” series. I share pretty openly and vulnerably about what is going on in my Twin Flame Journey right now. Sometimes it’s messy, nonlinear because I’m in the middle of it. Sometimes it’s triumphant because I have healed and received that clarity and breakthrough. But it’s always something I felt God called me to write and share. And it’s always a precious piece of me.

Lately, and as always, the Twin Flame Journey has taken me ever deeper  than before. In exploring someone new as my Twin Flame, I have found myself asking questions like “Is this who I really am?” “Am I really that good?” “Is love this real?” 

I have come to a deeper understanding of the contrast of a False Twin Flame and your -potentially- true Twin Flame. My False Twin Flame connection felt really high. Passionate. Sexually driven. He felt constantly just out of reach. And while I tried to tell myself he didn’t, he did regularly abandon me. He was in alignment with my upsets. I regularly abandoned myself because I believed I needed his love to validate me, my existence, and that love was real. 

I had placed and began to shape my identity in loving him and being his Twin Flame. So much so that my vision of who I am became blurry. I tried much too hard to please and to fit. 

Years of healing, and life is much different now. Right after healing a core wound I took an upheaval nap. Like we all do sometimes. And I woke up to a message from an old friend. And it felt aligned…..and peaceful. So I replied.  

We connected over a very peaceful, light, and fun conversation. We had similar experiences and it made me wonder —-- Is this my Twin Flame? It felt peaceful and that’s what Jeff and Shaleia teach….that it’s supposed to be peaceful.

And so I have gone through the deepest layers of my healing. Going deeper with fundamental truths… that God is my source. That love is real. I’ve brought back together and healed the part of me that shut out romance in my life….and let her back in. Love and romance is an essential part of my life. I found and healed a part of me that didn’t trust love because of her first experience with heartbreak. This was also a place where I devalued myself and didn’t see my own worth. And I healed her. It feels much easier and peaceful to explore and love your Twin Flame when you know your worth comes from God.

Mostly now I find myself opening to love….in a way I haven’t before. Because I’m opening to love knowing God is here with me. God is that love. And I find myself learning to trust love. And trust myself. It’s a vulnerable time and it’s a beautiful time.

I don’t feel called or ready to share about all the feelings I’m exploring about this Twin Flame Person. There is a lot for me to unpack. What I can share is that I am left wondering…..is it really this good. This is better than I imagined. I have never seen this individual romantically before. Now I feel it’s almost comedic that I had not considered it.

A little while ago, I had asked God for the experience of falling in love. I want to truly fall in love with someone for who they are. 

I used to think I did know what love was. But I didn’t. I was just desperately looking for someone to fulfill a role of companionship, someone to love me where I had not loved myself. But that is impossible.

Now I am ready. I want to know what it’s like to just love myself completely. AND to fall in love with someone entirely for who they are, without any fear of what they feel for me. I want to truly love unconditionally. And love myself unconditionally. This is what I’ve asked God for.

I can’t help but feel like….somehow….whether by this person or another….he is giving it to me.