Twin Flame Diaries #1: Finding The Root Of Unworthiness and Discovering Divine Beauty
One of the blocks I have consistently struggled with since diving all into the Twin Flame Ascension Journey is the feeling of failure. This experience of failure fuels the idea that I must not be divine, and therefore bad, and then again not worthy. It's a vicious cycle.
I've healed layers of it, but only recently, upon becoming radically honest with myself, have I uncovered a core experience - a wound - that set this up.
Raise your hand if you have a memory of being small and adults talking about you as if you were not in the room.
Growing up, when I was younger, I remember the "adults" talking over me to my parents, telling them I was pretty and that they would have to "watch out" for the boys when I got older. I felt the expectation of others and, in turn, the expectation of myself... that I would grow up to be, well, pretty. I received positive attention for this, and in turn, thought that this positive attention meant my value was tied to my worldly beauty, and subsequently, my value to a man (my Twin Flame) was tied to the same.
At around 10, my teeth began to come in super crooked (You can read about that here). Additionally, I was getting a little chubby. I began to feel... not enough, like I was falling short of expectations here. So, I turned my attention to intellect, being a go-getter, and over-achieving. That's how I defined my self-worth. In the world, this worked.
However, this approach fell through completely as I began to do deep spiritual work and turned to God as my source of everything. I could no longer pretend the wound wasn't there, and I could no longer sustain go-getter success without making God the center of it as opposed to a deep-seated feeling of lack.
Uncovering this has been hugely transformative. Now, I can sit in peace knowing that I and everything I do are enough simply because it's for God. I can let go of comparison. Living without "bleeding" here is much more relieving.
Moreover, this discovery has opened up a new layer of healing around Divine Beauty. I've learned that this really just means being present with God. My previous feeling of beauty was laced with fear and ego because I thought beauty was part of my value and that it was used to receive positive attention, love, and acceptance from others. However, the purpose of beauty is just to express God. Exploring this new pathway feels very good and relieving.
